I miss Tias

“I miss Tias, mommy,” my three year old tells me.

“Me, too,” I answer.

She’s looking in her lap. Or at the floor. Or in a book. Anywhere, really. So long as the house is quiet, this is where her conversation is likely to turn.

“What do you remember about little Tias?” I ask.

“The dresser fell down on him. I wish that didn’t happen.”

“Me. too, sweetie. Me, too.”

I want to draw her thoughts away from that night. From that moment.

“You and Tias were good friends, weren’t you? You liked to play with your farm set with him.”

“The dresser was big. It fell down on his head.”

I don’t want to have this conversation yet again. It is too hard. It hurts too much. Fighting back tears, I take a deep breath.

“Do you remember taking turns riding on Scrambler?” I ask.

She looks at her ankle where the knob-shaped bruise had been. It’s gone now, but she touches it and continues.

“There was blood, mommy. In his nose and in his eyes.”

“I know, sweetheart,” I sigh and hold her close. “It was a bad, bad accident.”

All of her memories seem trapped under that dresser. I want to help pull them out, to rescue the giggling and the wrestling and the snuggling from that horrible memory. But I never can.

“I wish that didn’t happen, mommy.”

“Me, too,” I answer. “Me, too.”

Tears begin to sting my eyes while I hold her. We miss Tias. We wish that didn’t happen. Together. For just a little bit.

And then she resumes her play.


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Manda
Guest

awwwww! my heart aches for the loss of Tias and pain of that nite! may she be able to remember the good times she had with him! prayers and hugs!

Amy
Guest

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of this, or would consider it…but there are trauma counsellors for children who have seen something horrific. I was reading Mary Beth Chapman’s book last week (Steven Curtis Chapman’s wife) about how their little Maria was ran over in their drive way, and their 2 young daughters watched it happen. They went to trauma counselling to help organize their thoughts and memories about what happened. Just a thought =)

Luke Holzmann
Guest

I’ll keep praying for you and your family, specifically–now–that God will redeem the memories.

~Luke

Q
Guest

Time . . . time . . . time . . . these images will begin to blur, the pictures won’t be as sharp. It’s like God’s hand of grace passes over and dulls the sharp and painful edges.

Still praying.

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ChristineMM
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Yes maybe some trauma counseling is in order. Please don’t try to redirect or stifle communications of the memories that may be a big mistake. Yes talking about good things is okay but not in the middle of discussing the horrors of what was seen. Also seriously look into post traumatic stress disorder, what can be done to avoid that developing in any one of your kids?

Phyllis
Guest

The fact that they were all there to see it makes it doubly worse for you, I am sure. You not only have your own pain to see through, but also feel responsible for the pain of those you love the most. We keep praying for you all and will be for a long time to come.

Dana
Guest

They went to their first meeting Saturday. We’re not all on our own out here. 🙂

Their coping strategies right now are to “hug a teddy bear” and “try to think of happy memories.” We’re trying to give them the space to talk and help them through it.

Gretchen
Guest

Lifting you and your sweet children up in prayer. I feel such overwhelming compassion and sorrow for you, I know that is God urging me to pray for your peace and comfort in your heartbreak. Hugs.
Gretchen

Elena
Guest

Sounds like you are on the right track Dana with the counselling.

Your daughter sounds like a talker! I need to talk or write my way through traumas and grief too. And it looks like she might be taking after you but she’s too little to write it down!

Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Jennifer
Guest

Dana…Words escape me yet again…we are still praying!~Jennifer

Sharon
Guest

I am so heartbroken for your family. I am praying that the Lord will bring comfort to your children and bring precious memories of Tias to their mind.

chris/california
Guest

i miss him for you guys, too. have gotten to know you all thru your precious family stories. sweet happy family living a too sad part of life.

think of you, always with a prayer, several times through out the day…..

sarah
Guest
You do such a great job with them. Glad you are all getting some counseling – I do think it will help, but the most important thing is that your kids so obviously feel comfortable talking about these memories with you. That security and freedom is really priceless. My cousin died at 27 leaving behind 4 girls, ages 2,4, 6 & 8 and for the longest time they were forced to pretend it didn’t happen and I think that really stifled their grieving and led to problems we are still seeing play out 20 years later. I believe that eventually… Read more »
Clydia
Guest

I’ve commented on another of your posts, and though we don’t know each other, I am still keeping your sweet family in my thoughts and prayers. You’re an amazing mother doing a great job helping your children work through their grief. Children are so much more resilient than adults, and I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I pray for continued strength for you and your family.

Sheri
Guest

Hugs!!

Still thinking of and praying for you and your family daily.

Ruth
Guest

Continued prayers for you and your precious family.

harmony
Guest

Dana: I have read all your posts and I admire your honesty and your faith. I cannot imagine the pain you and your family are experiencing. My heart aches for you. Please know that our God is an awesome healer. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Sisterlisa
Guest
Dana, although your blog posts about this are on such a sensitive issue, I can’t even begin to tell you how touching your story is..how deeply I am affected,positively, by what you have been through. I don’t know what it is..His Spirit I suppose…I felt this way reading Marsha’s journey too..after her son, Christian, departed.Your soul is so beautiful and you are a wonderful mommy. Post Traumatic Stress is such a real issue. I have been through that before..under different circumstances. I like what you said about scratching things down..to get control of your thoughts when they begin to race.… Read more »