Lying on my bed, nursing the baby. Thinking. Drifting in that pleasant half sleep when I hear LE. A rustle then little footsteps then she’s there in my bed asking if she can sleep with me tonight.
“Yes, you can sleep with mommy,” I say as I’ve said so many nights.
She kisses the baby and tucks herself in. For a moment, I see her there as she was that night and there’s Tiggy beside her. Grinning with delight to be tucked into mommy’s big bed.
“Mommy, do you remember that time when it was still dark out? It was morning and it was still dark out? And I asked if daddy was home and you said to go look? And that daddy wouldn’t take my spot?”
I didn’t remember, but I smiled. I fought back tears because I didn’t want to spoil her happy memory of waking early in the morning to find daddy. But I was still remembering Tiggy and those bright, energetic eyes that announced he was nowhere near ready to go to bed. That tucking himself in was all in play.
“I liked that time.”
She smiled, kissed me and asked for my hand. Within moments she was asleep.
And I realized it was the first time since that night that she didn’t ask to pray about Tiggy before going to sleep.
I let my tears fall. And felt alone.